A postgender marriage is one in which responsibility for all aspects of family life is shared.  In this marriage, husband and wife consciously reject old gender constructions and work hard to create new patterns of sharing household and childcare activities.  Here are Brian and Lisa.

Brian and Lisa have an infant daughter, and both have careers in business.  Even before they were married, they agreed to sharing financial and housekeeping tasks.  When their daughter was born, they consciously developed strategies to keep responsibility equal.

Brian was Lisa’s coach in the delivery room, and they intentionally spent the first week at home together working out the strategies before family was invited to come over.  Lisa breastfed the baby, then after the baby nurses, Brian burps the baby and changes her diaper before the feeding continued.

Brian is the primary caregiver as he works from home.  Brian and Lisa are going to try to raise their daughter without daycare.  Brian and Lisa have developed a good working arrangement—if one cooks the other does the dishes.  Both are free to raise issues.  Both are clear that there is no “power” differential between them.


Knudson-Martin, C.  (2005).  “Moving beyond gender: Processes that create

relationship equality.” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Volume 31, Issue 2, pages 235-258, April 2005.

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