1. My marital relationship is not the only source of my personal happiness nor does it guarantee freedom from my own personal problems.
  2. I have a personal responsibility for the well-being of my marital relationship.
  3. My spouse has importance in the world over and above being married to me.
  4. No matter what I think and feel about what is happening between me and my spouse, she/he has his/her own view of what is happening.ID-10018131
  5. My actions are not explained by nor are they justified by what my partner does/does not do.  I am accountable for my actions.
  6. In marriage there is a difference between being unhappy and being angry, hurt, or afraid of what is happening between us.
  7. When I am angry with, hurt by, and or anxious about what is happening in my marriage, I am at risk to “blame” my spouse without finding out how he/she sees the situation.
  8. I will always be willing to examine my own personal motives for my actions in my marriage.
  9. Being a male or a female does not explain the reasons for my actions.
  10. I can feel sad (a sense of loss) about what I don’t get in my marriage.
  11. My spouse can feel sad (a sense of loss) about what he/she doesn’t get in the marriage.
  12. Following these principles will help us create and sustain our marriage.