To construct a marriage means that you don’t live by handed-down rules for how you should arrange your married life.  Millennials like you come into marriage having shed most traditional ideas about gender, sex, work, and family life.   To co-construct your marriage means you and your spouse have the opportunity to build together the kind of marital relationship that works for you. This is a great opportunity but a difficult one.  My blog is designed to help you do this.

My view is that life, and therefore, marriage is a process rather than some static goal that is reached and everything after is smooth-sailing.  My aim is to promote understanding about the nature of a marital process that can help you create the kind of marriage relationship you want.

All human beings are of equal dignity and worth no matter their gender or their position in society. The demonstration of this worth is the ability to plan a life in accordance with one’s own evaluation of what is important.  Therefore, you both come into the relationship with individual life plans, things that you want for yourself based on the things that you value in life.

Perhaps, the most significant parts of your plans will revolve around work and family life.   Work and family life always involves other people.  In order to accomplish what we value and want that enhances our individual lives, we must negotiate our individual life plans collaboratively.

For married people negotiating our wishes and wants with each other is how we create a sustainable marriage relationship process.  By sustaining this collaborative process we not only achieve our own wishes and want, we also contribute to a productive, just, and sustainable community.  Such a community, in turn, supports our marriage, which in turn helps us achieve our individual life plans.

Because I thrive on schematics (drawings of ideas), I have created a schematic, a kind of flow-chart, connecting the ideas outlined above.  Here is the schematic with a description of the ideas described.

Co-construct model

The above schematic (flow-chart) shows the interconnecting paths to achieve a sustainable and just marriage.  We start with your individual life plans which guide your choices about how you want to organize your individual work life and family life.  as a couple, individual plans about work and family are negotiated collaboratively.  Developing a good collaborative relationship in which you are able to effectively negotiate your individual life plans leads to a sustainable marriage relationship process.  Negotiating collaboratively is the process.  By sustaining this collaboration, you can achieve a sustainable, stable, and just marriage.


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